Will's Twisted Adventure
by phantomrose23
Summary: Tired of Elizabeth cheating on him, Will decides to sell his soul to the devil and become a vampyre...Join him in the battle against his own sanity, banana phone, hair curlers and more! Full summ inside. And yes Jack is apart of this epic adventure. R
1. Final Straw

Fed up with Elizabeth being promiscuous, Will takes drastic measures. No, not suicide. He visit's the Devil to gain immortality. In other words, William Penelope Turner decides to become a vampyre. That's not odd, not one bit, don't you all agree? I mean if the one I had unexplained feelings for was cheating on me with every man (or in the female readers case) every woman in the area and then some I would logically visit Satin himself and trade my heart, my life, for immortality. Not to mention I would get to suck blood for the rest of my life. Yup, reasonable to me! **Despite what the genre says this story is **_**humor/parody/angst/ and maybe some drama. **_**I haven't got that far yet so we will see.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own, William, Jack, Elizabeth, or any other Disney related pirate I use in this story. I do however have full rights to Lady Naia (element being that hot, hot fire) and have partial rights to Narcin. Yes there are some OC's in here, but they will not gain a relationship to dear William, or Jack or Elizabeth for that matter. Who wants a relationship with that Elizabeth anyways? Oh, and did I mention that I don't own Dracula either? Or anything that is not Narcin, Lady Naia, maybe Lady Anwen too? Well yeah. Actually Lady Anwen belongs to knightflyer16...

Prepare yourselves for one twisted story! What else can you expect from yours truly?

I adore reviews truly, madly, deeply. ; )

**Chapter One:**

**-FINAL STRAW-**

"**When the feeling of anxiety arises, seek religion."**

"But Will, he means nothing to me! Nothing!" Elizabeth sobbed, gripping his jacket.

"You said that about the last 22 guys. I'm not falling for it 23 times Elizabeth." He yanked away from her. She sniffled, correcting him in her head _Well actually 4 of those 22 were women_.

"Oh William I don't know what came over me! I love you, I really do. I won't ever cheat again I swear!"

"Says the boy who cried wolf."

"How can I make you trust me?" She wept, wiping her hot tears on the sleeve of her dress.

"You know, there is a saying that goes 'fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me 22 times and its over'!"

"But Will-" She threw herself on him, crying louder than ever. People in the tavern glanced at them awkwardly. He shoved her away, brushing himself off. Tears formed in his eyes as well.

"Goodbye Elizabeth."

"No, no, no, no! You can't just leave me! What happened to eternal love for each other? Hmmm?"

_Are you serious?_ He thought. A man with blonde hair strolled past them, outstretched his arm and pinched Elizabeth's butt. She giggled and flashed him a grin, then realized Will was still standing in front of her.

"That's what happened to our 'eternal love'. It couldn't grab your bum so you found someone who could!"

"He was just being playful! I don't even know him!" she defended, glancing at him as he walked away. Will shook his head, the last of his tears drying up.

"Goodbye Elizabeth. Goodbye forever." He turned on his heal and stormed out of the tavern.

"Will!" she called after him. He didn't respond to her cry. He inhaled, held it, then slowly let it out as if trying to release his rage. He tightened his coat around his neck when a cool night breeze nipped his chest. As he left Tortuga, the only light given was that of the pale moonlight and dim stars. He treaded through the brush, pushing passed branches and bushes.

_Where do you plan on going? _Angel asked him. He looked over at his left shoulder where he saw a mini version of himself draped in white robes with a golden halo and harp.

"I don't know," he simply said.

_So you just plan on leaving her?_

"She cheated on me with the entire town!" he snapped, continuing through the brush.

_Don't you believe in forgiveness?_

"I forgave her 22 times!"

_Ah, but they say the 23 is a charm. _Angel nudged Will's neck with his elbow.

_You really gonna listen to some transvestite? _A puff of smoke appeared next to his right ear, and now standing on his right shoulder was himself dressed in a blood red suit. He bounced his forked staff of the muscle in Will's shoulder.

"Transvestite?" he asked.

_Just look at him! How gurlie is he to wear a dress? Men wear suits. Real men do anyways. _Demon added.

_I've told you time and time again. It's a robe, ok? _Angel defended.

_Dress._ Demon mocked.

_Robe!_

"Guys, guys!" Will intervened, placing them on a log he had stopped at. "What do you want anyways?"

_I am here to help you come to your senses and forgive the girl. _Angel said, adjusting his halo.

_Feathers' just trying to guide you down the path of righteousness. What you need is to do is take a walk on the wild side. _Demon brushed his shoulder off towards Angel.

_The last thing you need to do is get in any trouble._ Angel warned.

Will glanced back at the town.

_What you should do is get her back for what she did. Sleep with 25 people yourself! That will pay her back!_

_Oh that's disgusting! _Angel blecked.

"You two are no help," Will crossed his arms.

_Hey, does this help who you will choose to follow? _Demon did a double back flip off the log, then cart-wheeled back up it.

"How is this helping?"

_No, no he's got a point. _Angel admitted, stroking his chin.

_Ha! I win! _Demon stabbed Angel, the mini Will in robes disappeared with a trace of smoke. _So here's what we do. _Demon beckoned to him to come closer so he could whisper his plan into Will's ear. When he was done, Will nodded a little concerned about what he was about to do.

"Are you sure this is a reasonable decision for my problems?"

_Who said anything about it being reasonable? _Demon asked him as if Will was stupid. _Get a move on lover boy. _Demon poked his staff in Will's direction, eyebrows raised. After prodding the air for a bit he disappeared, all that was left behind was a tiny wisp of smoke.

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Don't you just adore Angel and Demon? Tee hee! More to come soon! Sorry it was so short.


	2. Rain the size of mini vans

**Disclaimer:** -In a sing song voice- Ohhhhhhhh! I do not own any pirate characters!!! Noooooo I don't!!! Never ever, ever do I own Disney Pirates no matter how much I want to I dooooooooon't! Sooo PLEASE don't sue meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Cuz I am -big finish- Because I am……BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE!!!!! -ba da chi- thank you thank you -bows- (Also I don't own Wilson from Cast Away. Kinda ruined the song huh?)

Moving on now…

Twisted Story Continued…That should be it's title instead of the stupid one it had. Sorry folks I had a moment of blank creativity. Shocking huh? After Pirates VS Ninjas ad Truly Madly Deeply you would assume my creativity would never end huh? Well I will fix the title later. For now I write. (Two humorous stories you should check out) J

Will's twisted journey continues…heheheh

I still adore reviews as truly, madly, and deeply as ever!

**Chapter Two:**

**-RAIN THE SIZE OF MINI VANS-**

"**In times of loneliness, consult your nearest volleyball."**

Will had been traveling for nearly a week straight in search for the gates of hell with no luck. He was far from society and wasn't smart enough to pack food or water. However he didn't even know that he would be searching for the Devil himself, but because Demon easily persuaded him with his fancy flip-tricks he decided he would give the journey a try. The bristles on his lower face grew in thick and prickly, and there was no way that he could get rid of them now. He would have to wait until after the trade.

Parched, he fell to his knees, trying to drink his own saliva. It didn't work so he collapsed face first into the wet ground.

_Oh get up! _Demon poked his cheek with his staff. _This is no time to quit._

"But I'm so thirsty!" Will complained. "I need water."

_Oh you mortals and your needs._ Demon rolled his eyes and continued to poke Will until the forked end on his staff broke the skin. _Oops._ Demon whistled, looking up at the cloudy sky. Will touched the side of his face. On his hand was a finger-pricks amount of blood.

_Oh it's not that much._

"Am I even going the right way?" Will stood back up.

_Well sure. You've been following the sun right into sunset, right?_

Will's brow furrowed. "What?" he fumed.

_Yea, the way to the gates of hell is, from Tortuga, follow the sun for six days._

"I've been going the wrong way!?" he shouted.

_Hey, don't blame me for your mistake. _Demon defended.

"My mistake? You're the one who convinced me to through with this crazy plan in the first place!" Will clenched his fists.

_Hey, calm down lover boy. _Demon pointed his fork at Will defensively. _Hey think of it this way. You can head back to Tortuga, get some food for your trip then you won't starve!_

Will lunged at Demon. His efforts were failure, the red blob raced out of his way then onto the top of Will when he landed. _Take that! _He stabbed Will's back, thrusting the fork in and out of his skin. Will flipped over, crushing Demon beneath him.

_Can't…BREATHE!_

_What are you two doing? _With curlers in his hair, Angel stood a few feet near them, tapping his foot.

"Where have _you_ been?" Will questioned, getting off of Demon.

_It was an appointment I couldn't miss. _He pointed at his hair, shrugging apologetically.

_Ah look! The transvestite is getting his hair done. _

_Is it a sin to look this good?_

_No, but it should be a sin to look that bad! _Demon pointed at Angel and snickered.

_Well, I got news for you pitchfork. We look the same!_ Demon's laughter fell into a glare.

"Alright, enough of the arguing. What do I do?"

_What happened? _Angel asked, pulling out the curlers.

"Pitchfork over here led me the wrong way."

_Hey only I can call him pitchfork, _Angel said.

_Yeah, only he can call me-hey!_

_And anyways, just turn around and head back to Tortuga._

"Wait, you _want_ me to go find hell's gates?"

_Well no, I plan on making you change your mind once we get there._

"Why don't you try to make me change my mind now?" Will asked, concerned his shoulder angel was lacking the help department.

_Baby steps, William. Baby steps. I help you in the ways I can now, and when we get to hell's gates then I tell you don't do it._ Angel 'poofed' from sight.

_Well, get a move on!_ Demon was next to disappear.

Will stood and sighed. _Tortuga here I come._

_--------------------------------_

By now, his beard grew straggly and in his hair nested various pieces of nature. He only had one day left before he would come upon Tortuga. Once there, he would gather food and water and wait a day before actually searching for the gates of hell…again.

With the sun going down in the sky, he leaned against a palm tree and sighed. As the wind picked up, it pushed a white ball from some brush to his feet. "Huh?" Will leaned over to pick it up. He tossed the ball a little ways into the air and caught it. _Better keep moving_, he thought to himself.

With volleyball in arm, he trudged through the palm trees, hungrier and thirstier then ever. Night quickly rolled in, meaning that he would have to set up some sort of camp. He found a nice spot near some fallen palm trees. He sat the ball with the printed name WILSON on it while he attempted to start a fire.

Will had been rubbing the sticks in his hand for a good few minutes when a light rain began to fall.

"It could be heavier," he told himself, trying to look on the bright side of his situation. On queue, the rain began to fall from the sky harder, pounding dear William and his volleyball. "Just my luck-ow ow OW!"

The rain began to impale Will. It rammed him to the ground, he was paralyzed against its wrath. It went on like that for two hours straight.

When it did let up, he noticed his hand was covered in blood. It was punctured on a rock, which the rain had slammed it into. For no particular reason he chucked the volleyball further into the trees. Will tore a piece of his shirt off to wrap it over his wound.

A few minutes of loneliness led him to call out, "Wilson? Wilson! I'm sorry!" He darted through the trees and picked up the blood stained volleyball. "I'm sorry Wilson." The volleyball frowned at him. "Please don't look at me like that. You know I didn't mean it!" Will pouted. "Friends?"

_Who is he talking to? _Angel asked Demon from a few feet back.

_Don't you mean what is he talking to? _Demon whispered back at Angel.

_And now he's stroking it._

_Why'd I sign up for this lunatic?_

_You didn't. You were born to direct him to hell._

_As you to were to direct him along the path of girliness and sissyness and teach him how to sew, and cry._

_Hey, at least I don't knit by the fireplace! Talk about girlie._

_Those socks were for mom! _Demon shook an angry finger at Angel who stood with his back turned, tittering.

"Come on Wilson. This rain isn't getting any dryer." Will patted the volleyball, a smile now on his face. He set Wilson down by the fallen palm tree and took his place on the ground next to him. He fell quickly asleep, with that smile still settled on his face. His face that needed a good shave.

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Poor Will never seems to get a break! Well, as long as Demon guides him on his journey, I'm sure that his life will only get better…cough…Stay tuned for more abnormal weather and copywrited volleyballs! XD


	3. Banana Phone

**Disclaimer:** Own…Anybody know the exact definition? My Microsoft dictionary does! **A grammatical word emphasizing that somebody or something belongs to a particular person or thing and not to somebody or something else. **With that being said, no I do not own pirates. Well the Disney ones anyways. And again, I do not own Wilson the volleyball. Wow, that word sure makes an impact. But I will happily take credit for Angel and Demon. Can _you_ back flip off a log and cartwheel back up it? Ha! Didn't think so.

Good eye to those who caught the back-flip thing. It was originally from the Emperor's New Groove (which I also don't own, although David Spade…XD) when Kronk is talking to his shoulder people. The demon did a push up on his arm and-I just thought it was needed at the time! Cute ass movie if you haven't seen it. And if you haven't…wtf is wrong with you? GO SEE IT!!!

Yay for llamas!

If only Will owned a banana phone. Then life would be good, no? Wait…That gives me an idea! Heheheheh. A glorious plot in me mind hath unfolded! Thank you attention deficit dis-ooh! Look a butterfly! Op…no…it's gone.

**POLL: **Out of pure curiosity, which of Will's conscious do you like more? (I will add up the reviews who gave a vote for each one and post them in the next episode- I mean chapter)

**Demon:** **1**

**Angel: 0**

Hehehe, what can I say? I adore that little red-suited idiot.

Dizzy up the reviews, I love 'em!

**Chapter Three:**

**-BANANA PHONE-**

"**You could call for pizza, you could call your cat. If only you had a banana phone."**

"Look Wilson! Tortuga's just beyond those scattered rocks!" Will pointed at the ground in front of him at the pebbles that were mixed with the dirt. He stepped over them and cheered. "We made it! What a relief!" He wiped the sweat off his forehead that wasn't even there and made his way into town.

"First things first. Food and water." The red handprint appeared to nod at Will in agreement. The first food chain he saw was a McDonalds. He entered the building, not sure of the smell that existed within it. He walked up to the counter with some confidence and cleared his throat.

After surveying their menu of dead cow and reprocessed chicken, he ordered, "Yeah, can I get a number 7 with a large number 5 and I want 1/3 of that number 8, 3 apple pies and a taste of that number 1."

"So that's a quarter pounder with cheese, 2 1/3 large fries, 10 extra large chicken nuggets, 3 apple pies and a big mac. Is that all sir?"

"Umm no, can I get a large diet root bear? I'm on a diet." He patted his stomach and gave her a crooked grin.

"No problem." She smiled, punching his total into the cash register. "Fattie," she added with a forced cough.

"Bless you," he said slowly and unsurely. She grinned at his stupidity.

"Okay, you're order number 52."

"Thanks."

"No problem fatso."

"Excuse me?"

"I said there's a problem, ketchups low."

"Oh." He exchanged a glance with Wilson.

"Will you be needing ketchup ugly?"

"Okay that time I heard ugly. I know I did."

"Sir, there are people waiting I need you to move to the back of the line." She handed him his number and waved him to the back of the crowd.

"I know Wilson, I caught it too." He sat the volleyball across from him at a table for two and waited for the woman to call his number.

_So what didja get us? _Demon asked, appearing before him with his legs crossed.

"You? What makes you think I'd get _you_ anything? You led me the wrong way for a week with no food or water."

_Hey, we went through this already. _Demon said defensively. He put his hands out in front of him, eyebrows raised. _Let's not start this whole who led who the wrong way thing._

_Now you're starting to sound like me. _Angel hopped down from Will's shoulder and lightly touched demon on his nose. _Avoiding confrontation when it's not needed. Bravo, Pitchfork, bravo._

_Why I aughtta!_

"52?" A male's voice called.

"That's us Wilson." Will pushed himself out of his seat and went to retrieve the food.

_So it's got a name._

_What is it about this thing that's got him hooked? _Demon poked the blood on the ball, that was in the shape of a handprint, with his staff. The dried blood crumbled at his stab and fell to the table.

_You don't think he's trying to replace us do you? _Angel said, distracted by a teen dream magazine he was flipping through.

_Me? No. You, who wouldn't? Just look at you! You've got feminine leaking out your ying yang._

_What in the Holy Father's name is that supposed to mean?_

_Dunno. Saw it off of some MTV music video._

Angel rolled his eyes as he thumbed through the pages. After passing numerous advertisements for the same brand of generic clothing, he finally came across an article worth reading. 'Top 10 hair secrets to die for.'

Will placed the two trays alongside each other and took his place at the table. As he opened the box the Big Mac took refuge in, he glanced down at Wilson, not noticing the puppy eyes that were being given to him by his conscious'. "You must be starving, yourself." He took a bite out of the meat, a range of sauces dribbled from his mouth.

After swallowing that first bite that would help quench his hunger, he shoved the burger into Wilson's face, smashing the bun and condiments all over the volleyball. "That better?"

Demon and Angel glared at him from the table, both tapping their feet in synchronization.

_Oh no, don't worry about me! I'm not hungry at all. I'm only trying to guide you down the path of life, but who cares? _Angel's face went red. The last look Will saw on his face was irritation, before he disappeared.

_Oh, so you're not going to feed me either?_ He continued mumbling to himself as he unzipped his fly. Kicking open the box to Will's quarter pounder, he flipped over the bun and commenced in urinating on Will's meal.

"Hey, I was going to eat that!"

_Who's stopping you? _Demon zipped himself back up, cackling as he vanished. After finishing his first box of fries, he picked up the quarter pounder with hesitance. "It has been a week," he told himself skeptically.

The burger slowly made it's way to Will's mouth. He bit down on the processed beef, teeth slowly chewing the food. "Zesty," he finally concluded.

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During the time Will satisfied his hunger, he noticed that an older, overly-dressed woman with frizzy brown hair and thick glasses was staring at him. After his meal he grabbed Wilson and left the fast food joint. Stopping him at the door was the awkward woman.

"William?"

"How do you know my name?"

"There's no time for that now," she said speedily, eyes shifting back and forth. "Take this." From within her being, she pulled out a rolled up brown paper bag and handed it to him.

"What is it?" He unfolded the bag with curiosity and pulled out a bright yellow banana. "Wha-"

She placed her index finger on his lips and shushed him. "When the time comes, you'll know what to do."

She slowly removed her finger from his mouth.

"Who _are_ you?"

Before he could obtain his answer, she took off down the street and into the night-I mean day! It's morning so…She turned into an alleyway. Yeah. That will work. Right? Moving on…

Will overlooked the banana with great interest. Not just interest in the banana, but interest in the woman who seemed as if she may have been stalking him. "Wilson, that's a crazy idea! Why would I hold the banana to my ear? It's just ridicul-"

Although he saw no point in it, Will found himself pushed one end of the banana into his ear. _Ring ring ring ring ring ring riiiiiiiiing. BANANA PHONE!!!!! -boop doop da doobey doo- Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding. DONANA PHONE! It grows in bunches, I've got my hunches-_

"What in the world?" He ripped the fruit away from his ear in fright. After looking over it one more time, he cautiously stuck the same end of the banana into his ear. _I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cat. Call the white house, have a chat! I'll place a call around the world, operator give me bei jing jing jing jing…(instrumental solo)_

"I must be going crazy." He shoved the fruit back into the bag and stuffed it into his pocket. "Got to be something in Pitchfork's pee." He pinched his forehead and sighed. "Come on Wilson. We've got shopping to do."

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I love banana phone! Catchy song. I plan to put up giant speakers all over the world and play that song non stop. That is how I will take over this world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! -corny music plays in the background as I laugh-Only those who don't twitch and go crazy will be honorable enough to serve me. -cough- enough of that now. Must not scare my readers too much. Although if you have made it this far in Will's journey then you are troopers and just might be worthy enough to sit next to me on my throne. XD

You ready for the next installment? Well you got to wait for me to write it!

**Don't forget to vote for your favorite shoulder buddy!**

Peace out! (Yay, there is supposed to be a lunar eclipse tonight! Maybe I will take photos!? If I can stay up that late.)


	4. Insane in the Membrane

**Disclaimer: **I wonder if my readers even read these? Do they know that I get into my disclaimers and notes before the story? How do I even know that the Disney folk are searching through the fan fiction trying to find someone who didn't write a disclaimer. A long shot eh? So I ain't gunna writes won……..I can't take it! I don't want to be the only fool who gets caught. So…I NO OWN PIRATES!!! Understizzand? So don't hassle me! Not that you are…

Sorry these installments take so long! It's not that they take long to write, it's just I don't always get interweb connection. So I write a few for this and other parody's my mind invents and waits 'till I can get on. Then, I don't post all of them at the same time. For this particular story I post a chapter, wait a few days, then post another. Actually only a day or two not a week.

These chapters are really short so I can post two at a time. We will see. And if people want to hear about Will's crazy-vampyre-banana-bloody volleyball-shoulder buddy adventure to candy mountain!!! Okay I lied. No candy mountain. Yet. I think I just got a new parody idea. -laughs demonically- I will update you guys **IF** I write a pirate journey to candy mountain.

It's candy mountain Charlie!!!!! Tee hee. Addicting youtube video. Link 

Alright I am ranting I know. Shall we move on?

Review's with butterfly wings still adored. Whether it be sugar-coated or on fire SLAP IT ON ME!

**Chapter Four:**

**-INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE-**

"**Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"**

After a long day of shopping, Will finally stole-I mean bought what he needed. A loaf of bread, two large canteens of water, an assortment of fruits and vegetables (none being banana's) and a hen named Pepper. It wasn't much, but if he got really hungry he could always kill Pepper and eat her. With the bag of food under one arm, Wilson under the other, and Pepper attached to a rope, he headed to the Port where he would sleep under a dock. Pepper set him back in finances, so he couldn't afford a room for the night.

People at the Port were scarce, perfect for Will's situation. If he saw anybody he knew that would be the end for him. They would ask what he was doing with a volleyball, a bag of food and a chicken. And what would he say? Absolutely nothing, that's what! He would probably just stutter and try to think of some excuse, but before he could come up with something acceptable, they would throw cuffs on him and wheel him on down to the loony bin.

Daytime was nearing it's end, the last of the golden rays reflected off of the wet horizon. He watched the glimmer of the sea and sighed.

"William?" a slurred voice asked. He wheeled around to face Jack, bottle of rum in hand. "Where have you been?"

"McDonalds."

"Mc what?"

"It's over there." Will pointed to the building with the giant glowing M. Or there used to be a giant glowing M.

"That? That's a manure factory."

"…" Will glanced at where the restaurant used to be and realized it was never really there. "Oh God." His eyes watered with disgust. His stomach began to regurgitate what he had really eaten, brown and yellow chunks shot out of his mouth and covered the dock. "But the woman." Will took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"What are you talking-woah is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Jack was eyeing the lump in Will's pocket.

"Actually yes." He set Wilson and the food down to reach inside his pocket.

Jack backed away from Will. "I'm flattered dear William but the sea is my one and only love."

Will frowned at Jack and explained, "No, you're right. There is a banana in my pocket." He tugged the brown paper from his pants, unrolled it, and pulled out the enchanted yellow fruit.

"How ironic," Jack mumbled, relived that Will wasn't going to come onto him.

"Here listen." Will thrust the banana in Jack's face, waiting for him to take it.

"Listen to a piece of fruit?"

"Trust me," Will assured him. "Just hold it to your ear and tell me what you here."

"Don't think I will mate." Jack pushed Will's hand down and raised his eyebrows.

"Why not?"

"Just ponder your askewest. You're asking me to stick a banana in my ear."

"I thought it was weird too when Wilson told me to do it-"

"Wilson?"

"No one, just listen!" Will forced the banana into Jacks ear. _Ying yang ying yang ying yang ying yonana phoooonne!!! I've got this feeling, it's so appealing! _

Jack ripped away from Will, eyes bulging. "What was that?"

"You hear it too?" Will listened to the banana once more. _Cellular, modular, INTERACTIVEODULAR!_

"Here what?" he lied.

"The singing! The voices! INSIDE THE BANANA!" Will put the banana back in his pocket, panting with both excitement and frustration.

"You should really seek some help." Jack glanced at the clucking chicken and volleyball. "Alright, well…This has been fun but…I have to-" without finishing his sentence he turned on his heal and hurriedly made his way down the dock. Will heaved a sigh, picking up his items.

"Come on Wilson." He slipped underneath the dock and made himself comfortable. He tied Pepper's rope to a support beam and tucked his food in the sand, underneath Wilson. "Tomorrow we head for the devil." He shut his eyes, curling up in a ball. Before long, he fell into a deep, well deserved sleep.

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_Why does he like that thing so much? _Demon asked, eyes fixated on Wilson.

_Jealous are we? _Angel dug the dirt out of his fingernails with a metal file.

_No!_ snapped Demon, whipping his head around to scowl at Angel.

_Well, I don't like it either. He might be trying to take over our jobs._

_Then lets get rid of it. _Demon concluded after some silence.

_I could never steal from anyone! Especially William. _

_Why? Because 'stealing is wrong'? _Demon mocked, using his hand as a visual.

_Well yes._

_If you ain't gunna help, I'll rid of it myself. _Demon cracked his knuckles and popped his neck.

_I cannot let you do that. _Warned Angel.

_Why? It's not like you're gunna help in this volleyball's destruction._

_Yes but if I know I can stop it…Then I will._

_Ooh I'm really scared! _Demon rolled his eyes and commenced in pushing the volleyball into the water. Angel dashed over to the volleyball's other side and pushed the opposite way.

_Don't you dare! This thing suddenly means the world to him!_

_Well, I'm easily going to fix that._

They struggled against each others strength, each panting with bright red faces. _Let go!_ Demon hissed.

_Leave Wilson alone!_

_Don't call it that! It's a volleyball, it doesn't have a name._

_If he calls it Wilson then its Wilson._

_Is not!_

They tumbled out from under the dock and continued rolling around. With the pressure on each end of the ball, it shot into the air and onto the top of the deck. _Now look what you've done!_ Angel raced Demon to the top of the dock to put Wilson back where he belonged. At Will's side. Standing above them was a kid in rags, foot drawn back, ready to kick the volleyball that had mysteriously appeared.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOO! _Angel waved his hands back and forth, trying to stop the child from what he was about to do. Angel was fully aware that the child could not see him. The only one that could see either of them was Will.

_Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YEEESSS!_ Demon cackled, rubbing his hands together deviously.

The child gave a toothless grin. In an instant, his withdrawn foot met with the volleyball. Wilson went flying through the air and into the sea. Angel tugged on his curls in defeat.

_Ha! Evil one, good zip, zero, ZILCH!_

Angel glared at him. Unexpectedly, he lunged, tackled, and pinned Demon to the ground. His hands wrapped around Demon's throat and Angel found himself squeezing.

_What happened to Thou shalt not harm thy neighbor? _He gasped through breaths. Angel slammed Demon's head repeatedly into the dock, halo going crooked. _What happened to-_

_Oh shut up!_

Instead of trying to pull Angel off of him, he wrapped his own hands around his neck and began to choke Angel. The duo rolled across the wooden planks, each gasping for air and choking the other. Angel's halo eventually fell off during the scrap.

"Wilson?" Will slowly opened his eyes, a noise above woke him up. "Wilson?!" He said in a panic, realizing that the volleyball was missing.

_Uh oh. _They said in unison. Will rushed to the dock, searching the area.

_Gotta go. _Two wisps of grey smoke rose to Will's knees then disappeared. Angel suddenly reappeared mumbling, _Forgot my halo_. He positioned it on top of his head and vanished once more.

"Wilson?" Will spotted the volleyball floating out to sea. "WILSON!!!" he cried. He dove into the water and began swimming out to his buddy. "I'm coming Wilson!" His efforts were failure. There was no way he could catch up to him. Tears began streaming down his face.

"Wilson come back! I'm sorry!" he bawled. "Wilson! I love you Wilson! Don't go!" he wailed. The volleyball watched Will as it drifted away. Will floated with the current, tears flowing down his cheeks without relent. "I'll always remember you Wilson," he sniffled. "And I will always love you."

He slowly swam back to shore as the horizon drew Wilson in with its array of sunset colours. Will had made a friend that he would not soon forget. A friend that listened, understood, and was always by his side. Well, he was for the few days he was with him.

Will tried to put Wilson in the back of his mind so he could focus on his real problem. His real problem was finding the Gates of Hell to seek revenge upon Elizabeth. _Elizabeth_, he thought cringing. _She'll pay. Oh, she'll pay alright. _As he lay himself back down to sleep, the only thing running through his mind wasn't Wilson leaving, or revenge on Elizabeth, no. It was that annoying song that was stuck in his head and it goes like this. _Ring ring ring ring ring ring riiiiing…_you know the rest.

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**PLEASE REVIEW!**

Awe, I miss Wilson already, what about you? Ugh, sorry this chapter was so choppy, I hated it. Well, the next will surely bring great interest to you all. MWA HAHAHA!!!! "Insane in the membrane...INSANE! Ain't got no brain..."


	5. Gates of Hell

**Disclaimer:** Not own POTC do I.

Let's just get started shall we? I feel no need for a multiple paragraph intro.

**Chapter Five:**

**-GATES OF HELL-**

"**Learn to put your love on ice."**

A light sea breeze was what awoke dear William. Dawn greeted him with a half dark sky, the perfect time of the day for him to get moving. He yawned, stretching his arms and back as he did so. Pepper gave a low coo, repeatedly dragging her claw in the cool sand. She ruffled her brown feathers and began to clean the underneath of her wing.

Will pulled out the bread, breaking off less than a handful for the fowl. He crumbled the bread in his hand, then offered it to Pepper. She cocked her head and once realizing it was food he was offering, greedily began to peck at his hand. In ten seconds flat, the bread was gone. He smiled as she looked at him with eyes that asked, "Is that it? That's all I get? I want more!"

He broke off another piece for himself and slowly ate it, trying to enjoy every bite. The bread made his throat dry, so he watered it down when he was finished. "Alright Pepper, lets go. We've got a long journey ahead of us." He stuffed the bread back into the bag and crawled out from under the dock. Untying his chicken, he gathered his items and headed out.

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Seven days went by quite peacefully. Angel and Demon left him alone during his search and he was glad. Talking to them only meant trouble. He had to carry Pepper throughout most of the trip, she couldn't keep up with him when they traveled through the more jungle-like areas.

All that peace soon came to an end when that oh-so-familiar voice stated, The _Gates of Hell are just beyond that tree, _Demon pointed.

"Oh really? I wouldn't have ever guessed with that giant sign that said 'Gates of Hell' and the arrow that indeed points that way." Will motioned at the wooden arrow with the words 'Gates of Hell'.

_Don't get smart with me, _he snapped.

"Well, that's kind of hard to do when you only do and say stupid things," Will replied smugly.

_You better watch it!_

"Or what? You going to poke me with your little fork? Huh?"

Demon extracted his staff from the air and pointed it at Will.

"Oh, I'm frightened." Will laughed and with a mighty flick, sent Demon sailing through the air. He hit a palm tree and slowly fell down it like in some old cartoon.

_Bravo William! Now that we are here I beg of you. DON"T SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL!_

"Oh shut it. You were of no help before and are of no help now. Be gone Feathers."

_But this is wrong. Forgiveness is key. Please turn back and go accept her apology, _he begged, getting on his knees. Will rolled his eyes and flicked Angel off of his shoulder like he did to Demon. "Come on Pepper." He lifted the clucking hen and followed the sign.

_Can you believe him?_ Demon asked, brushing himself off.

_Hmph!_ Angel adjusted his halo and dusted off his robe.

_Him hating you I could understand, but me? What did I ever do to that brat?_

_Oh I dunno! _Angel mocked stupidly. _You only led him the wrong way, peed on his food, got rid of his best friend-_

_You gotta stand up for yourself when someone starves you._

_Peeing on their food is not reasonable._

_Go read your 'Transvestites Monthly' you puss._

_Go knit something for your mom._

_Leave her out of this!_

_Leave her out of this! _He imitated.

_Alright it's on!_

As the shoulder buddies jumped into battle with one another, we will follow Will as he comes ever so closer to the Satan.

He passed the sign and eventually found himself going down a set of stairs. They spiraled into the earth, and just kept going. With Pepper under his arm he trudged on through the darkness for what seemed like hours. With every ten or so steps that he took, the air became muggier and the heat itself increased rapidly.

Sweat poured from his hairline, droplets rode down the tip of his nose and dripped off. His shirt was drenched in perspiration which made the fabric cling to his torso. Sweat even dripped down Pepper's beak. Her beady eyes blinked with ache caused by the heat. She was going to die from heat exhaustion, and both her and Will knew it.

With no end to the stairs, Will collapsed to the floor, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. He reached for the canteen on his waist and unscrewed the lid. Discouraged to find that the water had evaporated, he relinquished a cry of frustration and hurled the canteen down the stairs. His chest quickly rose and fell with his panting, and before long he found himself peeling off his shirt. He tossed it carelessly behind him. It struck Pepper who warbled at its stench.

He didn't want to appear before Lucifer nude, so removed his socks and reluctantly shoved his feet back into his boots. Using his sword (which I forgot he had until now -.-) he cut off the lower half of his pants.

"C'mon Pepper." He lifted the chicken, who she herself was sweating mini vans. Not paying attention to his footing, he tripped over the next stair. Will found himself rolling like tsunami waves down to hell. Pepper screeched at Will who wouldn't let her go. "Pepper, I cant stop!" he yelled, gaining speed as the stairs went on.

Eyes closed and countless parts of his body battered and bruised, he at long last stopped his tumbling. He landed on his back with Pepper tucked under his arm. His legs smacked something metal that rattled at his touch. Will winced in pain, face scrunched trying to keep himself from screaming and crying.

"I see you've already caught hell's blues," a voice said calmly.

Will's brown eyes shot open. Standing behind the fence was a man in a short, red, sequined dress with a pink feathered boa wrapped around his neck and blood red hooker heels.

"Are you Lucifer?" he gulped skeptically.

"Me?" He pointed to himself with a crooked smile. "Oh no. But don't worry. Although He doesn't grace his presence with us at the gate, you William Penelope Turner have arrived at hell."

Will stumbled to his feet. "If you aren't Lucifer, then who are you?" The man's eyes shot to the ceiling, another grin playing his face.

"Oh little old me? I am the Gate Greeter Mary."

"M-Mary?" Will stifled a laugh.

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" he threatened.

"No, no." Will defended.

"Good." His eyes shot to Pepper who was on her death bed. She lie on her back with her claws in the air. The hen's breathing was slow. "Dear old Pepper seems broken. Let me fix that." Pepper suddenly disappeared from the floor and reappeared in Mary's hand. "This aught to do it." He gave Will another sick grin before sticking Pepper's head into his mouth.

"Wh-"

Mary viscously bit down on the struggling fowl and spit out her head. "All better." He dropped the chicken to the ground. She began, madly, running back and forth with blood spurting from her headless neck.

"What have you done?" Will exclaimed, disgusted by his act.

"Put her at rest," he said casually, shrugging one of his shoulders.

"You killed her!"

"All I'm hearing is yelling when I should be hearing a thank you." he emphasized the last few words.

"Why would I thank you? I loved her! You just killed my-"

"Listen buddy," Mary's voice suddenly changed from Jack's off of Will and Grace to something from…well…hell. "First of all, you need to learn to put your love on ice. And second off, around here you don't raise your voice to anyone, you hear? Keep that in mind, especially around Him. Now if I don't get a thank you soon, it's your head that will be spat from these lips!"

"Thank you," Will said after some silence.

"That's a boy. Now are you going to come in? You must be sweating up a storm out there!" His eyes fell on Will's chest. Will assumed by the way Mary said that, it would somehow be cooler in Hell itself. Boy was he wrong.

Mary unlocked the gate to let Will in. He stood there in tentativeness, unsure if he really wanted to go through with it. "Hun, you thought coming down here was hard? Ha! Try getting back up! You have no choice but to come in. Even if you kill yourself now, you would just appear right where you are now. So it's better to have the option of vampyrism instead of being whipped by mwa on Sundays. Although I wouldn't mind that myself." His eyes flashed. With that being said, Will stepped into hell.

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**PLEASE REVIEW!!! **_**If you are going to read Will's adventure I would appreciate some reviews. I'm not going to stop writing to get some, but it would be nice to know what you think of it so far. **_

Aiight, peace out! I going boating. Mwahaha! Evil laughter while boating? Not a good sign…WHITE STRIPES RULE!!!


	6. Heat and Will equals Oober Sweat

Aiight the boating adventure twas fun. So was diving onto floating pieces of seaweed and missing. Shall we begin?

**Disclaimer: **I dust not own POTC. I do own my OC's who be:

-Mary

-Angel and Demon (although they look like Will)

-My version of Satan, but not Lucifer himself

-Pepper the chicken

**Chapter Six-Six-Six**

**-HEAT+WILLOOBER SWEAT-**

"**Stand upright, bow occasionally and suck up when you can."**

"And over there is Darcy. She's in charge of abyss demise insurance for the underworld."

"Meaning?"

"I'm not sure, something about if you purchase insurance before you commit suicide, you won't get tortured here…as hard."

Will's eyes widened. "Well how do you purchase insurance-"

"Oh don't worry about that!" he snapped. "You won't be needing it. You came here for the bigger cup of java, now didn't you?" Mary slung the boa over his shoulder.

"Now over there is the Sorter." Mary pointed to a man behind a desk. He wore horn-rimmed glasses and had a bead of sweat that sat on the tip of his nose without dropping off. Ever.

"And what does he do?"

"When you enter hell, you are given a rank. The higher the rank, the better off you are treated. Suicide is the lowest, because it's the easiest ticket in here. You have to work for your ranks."

"So what happens to the suicides?"

"Hun, you really don't want to know. You seem like a nice boy, so I will spare you my past times." He winked at Will, who flinched at the gesture. "There are five different ranks. One being the lowest and five being the highest. They are:

Suicide or trying to beg forgiveness when you _know _you are coming here

Murder over racism or anything political

Murder of family, terrorism and adult rape

Massacre of over 25+ people, terrorism and getting away with it at least 5 times and children's rape, of at least 15 or more

Leading an army, with racism, as the reason for creating the army and killing at least 1000 people in the process. You also have to accomplish at least two others from the list, as long as it's not number 1. And the other two cannot co-exist with the 5th rank.

"It's a very complicated system that you won't yet have to deal with…yet."

"Yet? What do you mean _yet_? I am going to become immortal."

"Uh, newsflash for Mr. Hard-head over here! Once you're dead, you are immortal, get it? Although you have chosen vampyrism which can last for a long time, you are not immortal. The sunlight touches you, you're right back at the gate. A werewolf kicks the bu-jeepers out of you and you visit us all again."

"What about garlic and the stake through the heart?" Will asked as Mary continued the tour of hell's offices.

"Oh those are stupid urban legends. The whole garlic thing started when Roxamis Dedelious flinched at garlic someone shoved in his face. The poor guy was allergic! Very rare though, being allergic to garlic. And the stake through the heart thing? PHU-LEEZE! You believe that old wives tale? Ha! I'm not even going to tell you how that one came up."

"Well, what rank do you think I will be put in?" Will did his best to try and wipe the pouring sweat off of his face. He only managed to spread it around with the sweat from his hands.

"Depends on how long you survive, how many people you kill, so on and so forth," Mary said simply, fluffing his hair. "Well, that's the jist of it. Now to meet the big man himself."

Mary led Will down a dark passage that was dimly lit with candles. They eventually came upon a wooden door that surprisingly enough, was not on fire from the heat. Will was astounded that he himself had not yet caught fire or passed out from the dying heat. They stopped in front of the door, Mary placed his hands on his hips.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

"You're not coming in with me?"

"This is your journey young one," he said goofily. "Now knock six times. You only get one first impression and with him, if it isn't good then it _will_ be your last. Ta-ta darling!" Mary blew a kiss to the air and went back down the hall.

Will gulped and rapped on the door six times like instructed. His knuckles made a soft _tap_ against the wood. On the sixth knock the door slowly opened. "Enter young William."

Will's heart began to race, thumping loudly in his ears and pounding hard in his chest. Subconsciously, he stood taller and stepped into Satan's office. Inside the blood red cave-like room was a large mahogany desk and behind it, with the back facing the blacksmith, sat Lucifer. "Don't be shy. Step up to my desk and take a seat."

Will did as told, but found no chairs. "Sir, there are no seats," he stuttered timidly.

"Just sit," he repeated calmly. Will swallowed again and sat. Before he hit the ground, a chair appeared beneath him and caught his fall. Will gripped the edge of the chair and attempted to calm his breathing. "Now. You may think you know why you are here. May even think that you decided to come here on your own free will."

Will's eyes bore into the back of the chair, curious to know the face of the demon who was talking to him. "Um, yes sir."

"Do not say _um_! It is a nasty word that only monks use when they meditate, understand?" he snapped, but stayed turned away from Will.

"Y-yes sir," Will stammered.

"And do not stutter, it brings disgrace to the family name." Lucifer rolled his fingers together slowly.

"Family name?" Will questioned dangerously.

The chair suddenly swiveled. With his face down, the slender demon crossed his legs and grinned wickedly. His longer, shaggy black hair covered most of his face. His head leaned upon his hand and when he looked up, Will got a clear view of his face. The demon appeared almost human, despite the pointed ears that stuck out from his jet-black hair and the long fingers that gripped the chair's arm rest.

Lucifer's brown eyes flashed. "William…I-am-your-father."

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OO Didn't even see that coming myself…Wrote it on the spur of the moment type thing. Will William P. Turner take Lucifer seriously? Will he become a vampyre soon? Find out next week on Will's Twisted Adventure special episode: Cooking bacon and eggs with fire to hot for flamin' cheetos…EXTRAVAGANZA….-boop- MOOF!


	7. The Number 23

Quads kick major butt! Elizabeth's butt even! Hehehe. Alright, I am sure you are anxious to know what happens in this weeks episode of banana-rama. -cough- I mean Will's Twisted Adventure! Llama…

**Disclaimer: **You think I will say I own POTC, but I don't. And I am not about to go into detail about what I do own, alright? So no own POTC. OC's? Yes. Yes I do.

**Chapter Seven:**

**-THE NUMBER 23-**

"**Everything you have ever been told is the truth. That's a lie. "**

"What?" Will's eyes widened in both confusion and fear. He was traumatized. "But my father is Boostrap Bill. William Turner the first."

Lucifer shook his head, the corners of his mouth still pulled into that grin. "Your real name is not even William."

"Yes it is," Will defended.

"Your real name is Dorian."

Will sat there in silence. Lucifer stood and walked around his desk and behind Will. He placed a hand on Will's shoulder and said, "Your home my son."

Will shook him off stood. "I am not your son!" he growled. "My father was a good man."

"Your father isn't good, let alone a man."

"Stop it!"

"If you don't believe me, recall a memory for me. Tell me about your childhood." Lucifer squeezed his chin.

"I…I can't," Will muttered.

"And why is that?"

"I don't know! I never could. The latest memory I have is when I first met Elizabeth as a child." _Elizabeth_, he thought. _How could you do this to me?_

"And do you want to know why?"

Will grunted, not wanting to respond.

"I couldn't risk _Him _finding out about you after ten years. I set up a fake life for you because there was rumor of a war. But now, now that you are a grown man it is time for you to relearn the _real _tricks of the trade and join me on my throne. What do you say Dorian?"

Will bit his lower lip in frustration, "My name is not _Dorian_. It's William. William Penelope Turner."

"Dorian, you are hurting your father." He patted his chest where his heart was sarcastically. "You can't recall any memories of us inflicting terror into humans and heaven?"

Will made his way to the door. "I can handle the hours worth of steps back up to Earth. Goodbye Mr. Satan sir." Before his hand reached the door's metal, Lucifer appeared in front of him shaking a finger.

"That's _father_ to you! And don't you dare walk out on me Mister! I am thee most feared thing throughout Heaven, Earth, _and_ Hell. If you weren't my son, then you would have been imprisoned the moment you stuttered!" he bellowed. Will stepped backwards.

"How do I know this isn't some prank-"

"Prank? PRANK?! You think I waste time on pranks that give me no benefits whatsoever? We have a lot to catch up on Dorian. And you have a lot to learn on respect." He crossed his arms, nostrils flared.

After some silence, Will crossed his own arms and said sternly, "Prove it."

Lucifer broke into a grin and lifted his shirt. With his free arm, he pointed at a birthmark that looked like the number 23. After gaping, Will glanced down at his chest that carried the same birthmark.

"So? Coincidence," he said simply, trying to cover up the defect with his hand.

"That's no coincidence. It's the mark of the Lucifer family. Which at the moment only consists of you and I."

"How is the number 23 a mark of the Lucifer family?"

"What's 2 divided by 3?"

He calculated the problem on his fingers than answered, "0.666."

"666." Lucifer grinned.

"Number of the devil…" Will's eyes dropped to the floor. "But I don't understand," he said, slowly accepting the idea that Lucifer could be his father.

"As I said before, if you stayed here as a child then _He_ would have found out about you and I couldn't lose you! My own devilish son, pardon the pun, but I wanted you to grow up to help rule hell with me. But now that you are grown it doesn't matter if _He_ finds out. All the better if _He_ does. Don't think I would treat anybody else the way I have treated you in the last 15 minutes. Although you sometimes slouch when you stand and stutter, I let that slide because I can retrain you. Then once your training is done you can take your place back on Earth to rule with terror and then we will become more closer in overpowering heaven."

A tear escaped Will's brown eye. Either that or he was just sweating from his eyeballs. "Papa." Will stumbled into Lucifer's arms. The demon lord embraced him.

"My son."

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Well that was EXTREMELY short!!! How touching, a true father and son moment…NOT!

-silence- hmmm…..nothing else to say…..meh….


	8. Seven Shades of Black

**Disclaimer: **I don't own POTC.

**Chapter Eight:**

**-SEVEN SHADES OF BLACK-**

"**Wrath, hopeless, unfortunate, dishonorable, evil, macabre and devoid of light. This is the color Black."**

After the family reunion, Lucifer returned to his true character and looked at Will with a serious face, but Will could see the grin hidden beneath it. "Are you ready to begin your training of a vampyre and re-training in the ways of hell's only son?" Lucifer finally asked.

"I thought you'd never ask."

They shared a moment of silence before Lucifer inhaled, "Well, pack your bags."

"What? I just got here and am still trying to take in that you are my father and now you want me to leave?"

"You need to be trained as a vampyre before you can join me down here."

"Why?" Will pouted, still overwhelmed by his emotions.

"Dorian, don't you dare give me that look."

"Well first you want me and now you are trying to get rid of me."

"I am not trying to get rid of you. You just are not…_evil_ enough to take your throne," Lucifer paused, choosing his words carefully.

"I can be evil," defended Will.

"No you can't," he opposed, stifling a laugh.

"Can too!" He stomped his foot on the ground and pouted.

"Alright, prove it Dorian." Lucifer shoved out his arm and in his hand appeared a white hen. "Bite it's head off."

"What?" Will asked horrified.

"See, you can't even _pretend_ to be evil."

"I can do this," Will glared, snatching the flailing chicken from his father's hands. He held the chicken away from him in disgust.

"I'm waiting." Lucifer crossed his arms.

"Patience father," Will snapped. Lucifer cringed at the disrespect Will was giving him but let it slide.

Will swallowed then opened his mouth for the chicken's head. A beady eye blinked painfully at him. He scrunched up his face but the look Lucifer gave him filled his body with confidence and Will shoved the chicken's head into his mouth. He closed his lips around the feathered friend, cheeks puffed out. The white bird swung it's body around in the air.

"Alright, bite it already." Will's eyes budged with disgust. He gagged, hating the feel the hen gave his mouth. "Well?"

Will's eyes darted around the room. Before he knew what he was doing, Will raced to the door and flung it open. He ripped the flapping chicken from his mouth and tossed it out the door. "Be free little guy! BE FREEEEEEEEEEEE!" The chicken ran down the hall with it's head cocked to one side. Will sighed and shut the door. Lucifer glared at him, shaking his head.

"You are a disgrace to the family name."

Will had nothing to say.

"And this is why you need training. You will be sent to a creature more than man that will teach you how to hone your skills. He lives in Transylvania, a small area in Romania."

"How do I get there?" Will asked.

"Mary will tell you. And watch what you say to him and please, do not let lust drag you into temptation. He is very protective of his brides. Goodbye Dorian."

Will walked towards the door and muttered, "Goodbye…father." He opened the door.

"Oh and always remember," Lucifer added before Will left. "Who you are. You are my son and the one true King." Will nodded, giving one last half-smile to his father.

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"You will have to travel there by carpet," Mary said, gathering the remains of Will's items. He had scavenged for them on the stairs and brought them to hell.

"Carpet?" Will asked skeptically.

"Yes, is that not so ordinary?"

"Well I don't see how carpet will get me to Romania."

"It's a MAGICAL carpet you ding-dong!"

"Huh?"

"Oh you just make me want to whip myself sometimes you know that? Here." Mary gave Will his effects than pulled a purple and gold threaded carpet from the humid air. "Once you return to land, ask it to take you to Transylvania, got it?"

"I guess," Will said. After Lucifer claimed to be his father, anything after that seemed quite normal. "How is it that I will be getting to normal land?"

"Easy peezy! Ta-ta!" Mary grabbed a rubber stamp and pounded Will's head with it. A tingling sensation came over the blacksmith and before he knew it he was standing in a cool breeze above ground. He inhaled the cool, sweet air and grinned. It felt good to be standing in natural temperatures.

Will put his clothes back on and strapped his sword back on his waist. He then unrolled the rug and looked it over. _How do I work this thing?_ He stood on top of it and shouted, "Fly carpet fly! Transylvania, ho!" The tassel on the carpet fluttered in the light breeze, but the rug stayed motionless. "Come on! Up, up and away!" Will jumped on the rug and grunted. "Stupid cloth make haste!" He got off the carpet and kneeled bedside it. "I should have known better than to listen to a-"

The rug's front end lifted with the wind and picked itself in the air. It zoomed around the palm trees before floating back down to Will who was astonished. It bowed on it's back legs. "You-you _can_ move and fly! Listen I'm sorry about jumping on you," Will apologized, hoping the rug wasn't angry.

It waved it's tassel at him as if saying, "It's alright. I just haven't flown for decades." Will chuckled before asking, "Do you know the way to Transylvania?" The rug became excited and began back flipping through the air. "Can you take me there?"

It's fabric folded into stairs so Will could board it. He smiled and climbed aboard the polite rug. "Alright then. To Transylvania!" Will got on his knees and grabbed it's front. The carpet zoomed through the air with Will on it's back, beginning the long journey to Dracula's castle.

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**Please Review.**Tee-hee I was listening to the Aladdin soundtrack when the carpet idea came to mind. Haha, well hope you enjoyed so far and sorry it took so long to post! School just started and already mondo homework! -.-


	9. Green Guts on a Silver Platter

**Disclaimer: **I do not own POTC, Aladdin, Van Helsing or a giraffe. Although giraffes are pretty PRETTY!

**Chapter Nine:**

**-GREEN GUTS ON A SILVER PLATTER-**

"**Who needs love when you've got immortality?"**

Over the next week, the wind grew colder and the weather itself became frostier. Will was constantly wiping his runny nose on his sleeve, and after a week the material was caked in yellow snot. "How much longer carpet?" he would ask, getting no response. Another hour passed when Will saw a girl below him pacing in circles, shouting words that he couldn't make out. "Carpet, pull over," he commanded, curiosity overwhelming him.

"Stupid Japanese monkeys….AHHHHHHHH! PURPLE PANCAKES!" she screamed, throwing her arms in the air. She fell to her knees, huffing.

"Are you alright?" Will asked, dismounting the rug. Her eyes shot up and she brought her arms down.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, shuffling backwards.

"You looked like you were in trouble," he said softly, wiping his nose.

Her nose shot into the air in a smug sense. "Me in trouble?" The girl was very young, only around 16 Will figured. She was but a pup, but alone like a field mouse.

"Well you were pacing in circles-"

"Those were OVALS smart one! Circles are perfect, ovals are crooked, see SEE?!?!" She pointed at the ground violently, nostrils flared and eyes wide. Will glanced at the snowy ground and saw that, indeed, they were ovals. "What's that?" she asked distractedly, pointing at carpet who lay on the ground, fiddling with the snow.

"Oh, that? That's carpet. He's taking me to Transylvania-"

"A carpet is taking you to Transmitted Diseases?"

"Yes, what?" Will was confused. The awkward child skipped over to the purple and gold rug and poked it.

"How does it do that?"

"It flies."

"Liar!" she bellowed whipping around pointed at him, arm shaking.

"No really."

"Prove it," she said smugly.

"Alright." Will strutted over to Carpet and climbed on. "Prepare to be amazed."

She crossed her arms and eyed him suspiciously.

"Carpet, lets go!" After a second of preparation, the rug shot into the sky, leaving the girl behind astounded. Showing off, Will did a few front flips and back flips then zoomed through the sky. After circling the area he landed.

"Wow," she said gaping.

Will grinned then asked, "What's your name again?"

"Ash-Roxy," she corrected herself. "My names Roxy." Her eyes shifted.

"Will-Dorian," he caught himself correcting. "The name's Dorian." _Not William._

"Dorian? What a stupid name. I mean only people who had Satan as a father and got entertainment from yellow fruit would carry such a name." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah…" An awkward silence held the two captive in a speechless mist until Roxy suddenly screeched at the top of her lungs.

"They're coming!"

"Who? Who are coming?"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" She flailed her arms in the air and began running in circles. I mean ovals.

"Who's coming?!" Will demanded with sudden annoyance. Roxy continued to scream and run, ignoring him. "Hey!" he snapped, grabbing her by her upper arms as she passed him by for the 13th time. "What's coming?"

Her lower lip quivered, brown eyes big against his own. "The giraffes…" Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her body went limp.

"Roxy? Giraffes? What's a giraffe?" He gently shook her but the child was out cold.

"Stand inside the oval!" Her body jolted then fell silent. Will drug her body through the snow until both of them were inside the circle. He whistled for carpet who landed tiredly next to him. A light snow began to fall and Roxy was no where near conscious. Will sighed and pulled her into his warmth. Although insane, he couldn't let her freeze. She shivered dramatically, teeth chattering like mad.

Will sat in the snow, child in arms and awaited the arrival of the dreaded giraffes she was fearing. He tilted his head back and opened his mouth. His tongue caught various snowflakes that melted on contact.

"F-fire…" Roxy chattered, blinking her eyes slowly open.

"Hmmmm?" Will asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Need…warmth. Make fire." She blew into her hands and rubbed them together.

"You want me to go get wood?" he asked, standing.

"Duh…" she murmured then forced a smile. He beamed back at her and nodded. As he went to forage for wood, Roxy shot to her feet and snickered. "Idiot." Roxy snuck over to the sleeping carpet and got on all fours. Shaking her butt, he leaned back and pounced. Little wisps of snow fluttered into the air when she landed then fell back to the earth. "Alright, how do you work this thing?"

She gripped the front edges of Carpet and whispered, "Alright you filthy rug, I am your new owner so I command you to fly!" The golden threaded carpet stayed motionless. "Did you not hear me? Obey your new master and take flight dammit!" When the carpet showed no activity, she stood and barked, "Fly carpet! Fly, fly, fly!" She jumped up and down on the rug, each time she landed she let out a cry of frustration. "Ugh!"

She stopped jumping and threatened, "If you don't take me to the heavens I'll cut your tassels off." The rug shot into the sky with her on it. Before she fell off, Roxy grabbed it's edges and cackled madly. She steered the magical rug over the tree tops, looking for Will.

"Hey dummy," she shouted, catching sight of him. He looked at her and dropped the wood in his arms.

"Hey, hey! What do you think you are doing?" he shouted back in astonishment.

"Taking what's rightfully mine, that's what!"

"How is that rightfully yours?"

She hooted in response, pivoting Carpet to circle Will one more time before she would make her exit. In the rush of madness that had swept over Roxy, she got too low to Will who snatched her by the back of her shirt and flung her to the ground. Carpet sped behind Will and remained there so the child wouldn't relive him of his tassels.

Without mumbling a word, Will glared at the child now spiting snowflakes from her mouth and climbed aboard the enchanted rug. Carpet slowly floated into the sky. "Hey, where are you going?" she shouted, jumping to her feet. "Hey! Get back here! I'm still cold!"

Will shock his head whispering, "To Transylvania, Carpet." He watched as she shrank into an ant as he flew towards the mountains. "Remind me never to trust another stranger," he grumbled, scratching his temple.

Roxy sighed, throwing herself on the snow. She brought her knees to her chest and began rocking back and forth, eyes shifting. "Idiot…He'll never defeat Lord Hubert on the eastern port." The earth beneath her began to shake. "My oval!" she shouted, jumping to her feet. "Where's my oval?" The shaking became stronger and Roxy was almost in tears. "I spent 3 hours on that oval to protect me! Now what-oh snap…" A tall creature on four legs stood above her and snorted. She gulped. "L-Lord Hubert. I do say what are you doing here?"

The creature swung its head into her body and sent her flying through the air. Roxy hit a rock and lost consciousness. Lord Hubert cracked his neck then motioned for his goonies to take care of the rest…

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Please review. If you do I'll reply. ; ) wot ya'll think so far?


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